My memory and I have been rafting down the old LiveJournal river for the last couple of days. Back then I blogged about my part-time jobs, college classes, and relationships. While some poignantly bright moments shine out, most of the posts are focusing on issues and/or feelings. It’s obvious I’m trying to sort out my emotions.
And I was in a clearly abusive situation at home, too. Strange how that abuse looks from the outside, six years after my ex and I finally broke it off. Since this blog is 11+ years old, many of the events are set the worst parts of that relationship, with a lot of denial, and LiveJournal friends commenting anywhere from gently to desperately about how I needed to move on and take care of myself.
Yet despite the tribulations of that old LiveJournal, I remember loving that community of LiveJournal friends. I feel guilty now that they endured some of my darker posts for society, but also overwhelmingly grateful; the circle of friendship they provided—both the “real life” friends, and the Internet friends I’d made throughout the world—held me afloat, aloft, always. Perhaps I LiveJournaled so much because I knew they offered me that closeness and connection I struggled so much to find at home.
Thank you, universe, for delivering me Chase, my cats and my birds—my wonderful family now!
While I’d like to someday build a new community through this blog, I don’t expect it; I’m okay with writing for writing’s sake. But if that community started, I hope our conversations will focus more on the daily joys of jobs, classes, and relationships; or even, the daily joys of DIY projects, self-discoveries, and pets! 🙂
In spirit of reflecting on old blogs, the featured image is a random penguin photograph I found from the first days of kourtniemckenzie.wordpress.com, when it was less of a personal blog, and more of an exploration in poetry.
Now I don’t know why the penguin has anything to do with poetry…but that’s fine.
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