New Year’s resolutions go CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP

So I originally wrote about New Zealand on this blog, but then it hit me – I can just make another!

You can tell I really love WordPress. <3

If looking at other people’s vacation photos is your thing, check out kourtnie.wordpress.com. It’s everything a dumbstruck American could say about NZ, Northland… and it comes with a zest of humor!

I’ve also started another blog – Lose 26 – which is my Violent Ultimatum for losing weight. Like every other human being that makes New Year’s Resolutions, I’m going to drop poundageness in 2012. But unlike the nooblets, I’m doin’ it slow… at a mere half a pound a week. With 54 weeks in a year, this is 26 pounds, bringing me to my early college years.

Don’t you wish your fat ass was dancin’ like me!? (Read Lose 26. Seriously. You’re missing DDR action.)

Anyways, subject #2.

Transmogrify came out in World of Warcraft today, but I’ve yet to log in and enjoy. Another pre-New-Years-Resolution that’s biting me in the ass is the vow to write 1,000 words a day. Most of this is getting dumped into the third rewrite of my novel [shuddershuddershudder], but when writer’s block hits, the blogs call and beckon.

And now I’ve plowed through 434 of my 1000-a-day quota. SHEBANG! KAPOW! KAZAM!

Just a few more comic book noises, and I can wrap this shit up… with an angry e-mail to a penguin-killing Republican.

Anything but the book…!

NO MOAR MANUSCRIPT.

PWEASE ILL BE GOOD YARRRGGGHHH /peaceout.

Pick one: You write a chapter, or…

Dear Kourtnie,

I know you have a busy life right now, but please, I’m begging you, write a bloody chapter for your book. THIS EFFING INSTANT. If you do not comply with my humble request, I’m afraid you will:

• Suffer from five types of cancer. With no medical insurance.
• Wake up at 9:05 AM to a dead alarm clock and a clown painting your nose blue.
• Realize you will never get medical insurance because your cat chewed up your car keys.
• Realize you will never get this blue paint off your nose because the water was shut off by your favorite Irvine Apartment Company.
• (Realize you are repeating the word “realize” and need to write up a bug about it.)
• Eat the cat litter with a plastic spoon, then gain 30 lbs. from illogical litter binging.
• Fight an epic, metamorphic spoon that voltrons into Mr. Ass-kicking Spork, then stabs vampiric-like wounds into the side of your neck.
• Explain to your coworkers – after mysteriously getting to work without a car – that your wounds have nothing to do with a spork and everything to do with Twilight.
• Stop breathing. *TERROR-STRICKEN SILENCE*
• Recognize you’ve been possessed. Now you must submit to blabbering about books you’ve never read, nor intend to read, for the next 36 hours.
• Go home after this exhaustive, sudden “curse” has destroyed your friendships, career and life. It’s also put more updates on Facebook than you normally manage in a year. (So it’s done three updates.)
• Buy a bunch of Yoshi figurines you don’t need.
• Experience lucid dreams, where your guildies, coworkers and potential agents read your blog and think,

“Holy shit, if only she wrote a damn chapter.“

Sincerely,

Your Writers Block